Goodbye Sassy

Today I had to do let my cat Sassy go.  I didn't realize how hard something like that would be, until I had to do it. 

I hadn't even left school yet when I got the call that something was wrong with her.  She had one whole in her side and another on her bottom.  I truly thought someone had tried to hurt her.  All the way to the Emergency clinic, I kept telling myself she would be alright. 

When the doctor came in a told me how bad off she was, I knew she wasn't going to make it.  He told me he could do a couple of surgeries, but he couldn't guarantee me that she would make it through them. 

A dog had gotten a hold of her and almost completely taken her tail off.  It was ripped all the way to her spine, so no matter what she would have nerve damage and would not live a normal life again.

Being by myself, I had to make the decision.  The doctor kept telling me it was okay to decide to let her go, but oh how it made my heart break.  I finally went in to see her and there she was lying on the table so feeble, so frail, and in so much pain.  My heart wouldn't take it.  I started crying and telling the doctor that I didn't want her to live like that.  I didn't want to let her go either.  Once I decided to let them put her to sleep, he told me that was the best decision I could make and that letting her go only meant I loved her that much. 

So Sassy went to heaven today.  Patrick and Nathan took the news okay.  Nathan kept saying "Sassy's with Jesus?"  It broke my heart.  But I said yes Nathan Sassy's with Jesus. 

I know she is better off, but signing her life away was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I will truly miss her!

Facts about ME

My mom tagged me with this little game.  Since the only blogger friends I have are family and they have already been tagged, I won't be passing this along to anyone new.  Here it goes...

Middle Name "Hoopla"

1. You must post the rules before you answer.

2. List one fact about yourself using each letter of your middle name or if no middle name, use your maiden name.

3. Then you must tag one person for each letter of your name.

 

Exciting- most of my friends say I am very fun to be around. 
They often call me "the life of the party".  I am not really sure I agree, but I do love to have fun!

Loving-  I have a big heart and love many people, especially my family.

Inquisitive- Even though I teach second graders on a daily basis, I love learning myself.  I find it fascinating to learn new concepts or strategies  that help me in my job.  I also love new things that help in my everyday life!

Zesty- I guess you could say I bring flavor to my life and the life of others.  ( I had to think of something)

Amiable- My mom used to tell  me that I could make friends with a stranger and often times I did.  I am definitely a friendly, pleasant person.

Bubbly-most people would describe me as having a bubbly personality.  I try to see the good in everyone and in every situation.  I have actually been criticized before for being too happy.  How do you do that?

Energetic-  I do somehow manage to have a lot of energy throughout the day, however, by 8:00 at night that is obsolete.  I try to put everything I have into everything I do!

Talented- God has blessed me with many talents.  The ones that stick out the most to me are singing, teaching, writing and taking care of others.

Happy- most of the time- that would sum me up in one word!

Happy Saturday!

Happy Saturday everyone.  It has been a crazy week for us!  We spent a long weekend together last weekend and enjoyed being together as a family.  But then on Tuesday, I had to bring Patrick home early from school because he had a touch of the stomach bug.  Wednesday and Thursday went pretty smoothly.  Nathan did however start with a cold on Thursday night.  Yesterday was the worst of our week.  While I was sitting in the teacher's lounge getting ready to eat lunch, I got word that Patrick was in the health room again.  When I got to him I learned that someone in his class had sat on his head a pushed it into the ground.  The nurse was concerned because his left pupil was larger than his right.  I rushed him to the pediatrician's office and he sent us directly to the emergency room, where we spent the rest of the afternoon.  They drew some blood, monitored his heart and did a CAT scan.  After several hours, we were told everything came back okay and that he had a mild head injury.  I was so proud of Patrick.  He never cried, whined or complained.  Not even when they put an IV in his arm.  I feel really lucky that he is okay.  We have to watch him for the rest of the weekend and keep him calm.  He has been a real trooper!!!

Anyway, we are all doing well today.  We are spending the day finishing some household projects we have been putting off.

I wanted to leave you with a poem I received through email today.  My 14 year old nephew wrote it this week for his English class.  I am proud of him.  It really puts things in perspective for my family!

     I Really Do Love You

        By: Tyler Williams

It’s like standing in the desert wishing for rain

Waiting here wishing to see you again

I’m saying all these prayers but they never come true

Am I praying to God or am I talking to you?

Discomfort and loneliness is what I see in her eyes

It starts as a tear drop then turns into a cry

She’d give up everything just to touch your face

She’s longing so badly to get out of this place.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you

This feeling in my stomach, it’s nothing really new

But this time the pain isn’t temporary

It hurts inside and this time it’s scary.

It’s hard to admit my own selfishness and pride

Cause I didn’t take the time to tell you goodbye

I didn’t tell you I loved you or anything like that

Now I’m reading this poem wishing you were back.

So tune in Granddad, this poem is for you

I really need to talk cause I don’t know what to do

Every line of this poem, every word of it is true

I really hope that you’re listening, cause I’ll always love you.

Silent Tears

Sometimes, I see you waving down the field,

whether to say good morning or goodnight. 

At times I think I see you sitting in the truck,

getting ready to go on an errand.

I see you in so many places, and remember all the times,

you were there beside me, talking and laughing.

I try to hide my tears, so that no one will see, how much I really

miss you.  I try to be strong so I can move on, but my heart just

can't seem to let go.  I still ask why, even though I know I shouldn't.

It's not for me to know now, but it just doesn't seem right.  Its so

hard to sit in your chair, go inside the shed, or walk by your room. 

I keep telling myself that in time it will be easier, but oh how my

heart aches.  If only I could see you one more time.  To tell you how

much you meant to me.  To tell you how much I loved you, or just

one last chance to say goodbye.  Those are the things my heart

longs for the most.  I keep all these feelings hidden behind silent

tears.  I feel them welling up inside me and I swallow them back

down, so no one else will see.  I wish for you to see all that life

has brought us over the past few months.  If only my boys could hug

you once more.  If only Rusty could speak to you again.  I want to say

goodbye or so long, yet my heart won't let go.  I know you are in a

better place, but I still wish you were here.  So I will just keep crying

silent tears, so no one else will see.  How much I really miss you and

that my heart has not healed.  You will never be forgotten, you will

forever be in my heart.  Until we meet again.....

Tearful Tuesday

Today has been a pretty hectic day.  It started out with me missing a child at school, only to learn that he had left my room without asking and went to the library.  Throughout the rest of my day I was dealing with several discipline problems, missed my planning for a meeting, and then another email. 

You see I teach second grade.  This year we had such a gap in the levels of our children, we decided to group our kids for reading. It is a great idea, and though it may not seem so, I am enjoying teaching the "cream of the crop".  But with these advanced kids comes many challenges.  My biggest one is making sure I am meeting the expectations of the parents.  I have been very hard on myself, because every time I turn around, I get either a note, phone call, or email asking me to do more, or questioning my teaching strategies.  I know they are concerned about their children, but man does it break you down!  I spend a lot of time planning for this class and truly feel I don't have another ounce of myself to give.  I love the children, we have really bonded.  To me they are growing and learning a lot. (so am I)  This is the first time I have taught a class like this, so I know I am not perfect at it, but I am trying very hard to meet the needs of my children.   I truly see this as a growing experience for me and enjoy learning new strategies and ideas to teach the higher level skills I am teaching. 

Today after receiving one more email, I fell to pieces at school.  Luckily my friend Alice, who also happens to be my literacy coach, was there with me.  She has been so wonderful to me.  I meet with her every week to go over my plans, not because she wants to see them, but because I want her approval.  She kept telling me today that I was the expert, " You are an excellent teacher"!  My first response was, you think I am, but not everybody does.  She reminded me many times how hard I am on myself, and that I needed to "let it go" and realize I wasn't doing anything wrong.  I really look up to Alice!  I've always thought she was the greatest teacher.  She has given me so much support and I can't thank her enough!  So I decided to take her words and bury them in my heart!

Tonight as I was reflecting on my day, I started thinking about how I am a good teacher.  God gave me this talent for a reason.  I love kids, all of them, no matter their background, personality or behavior.  I give 100 percent of myself to my job and I have decided I am not going to let all of this bring me down anymore. 

I keep repeating my favorite verse, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  I know if I let go and let God give me the strength, I will make it through.  It's easier said than done, but I am going to try my best to "Let it Go" and be the best teacher I know how to be!!